he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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