So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
