Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
