fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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