We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
