I think I won the penis lottery.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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