So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
