Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
