she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
