Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
