So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
