So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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