for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
