Screwed.edu
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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