I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
