I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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