So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
