i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
