If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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