Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
