dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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