drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
