If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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