you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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