I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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