New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need moral support for this bender
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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