you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
