So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
