Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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