Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
