What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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