Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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