Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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