Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
