I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Are we still banned from the library?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
