Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
