if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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