He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
