I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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