Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my poor anus
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
