No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
