You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
