Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
