Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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