Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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