Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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