today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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