You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
