I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
