hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
PANTIES FOUND
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