I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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